There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
