Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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