i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
