I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
