Just fell off a train. Bad.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I did not marry a roomba.
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