he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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