i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize