Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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