sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
