ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
