hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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