We're like a lot better than the average bears
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
