and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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