Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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