booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
