I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
