i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
