apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
