with your own penis?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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