My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
