the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize