I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
