I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
