I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
