Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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