just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
