Only a mothe r could love this liver
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
MIDGETS
????
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
