So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
please come you make the beer taste better
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
