I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
