I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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