Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
fuck your aforementioned shoe
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
