Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
