angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize