marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
