thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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