Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
