You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize