you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
