Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
