I hope mine doesn't look like that
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
