dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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