i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
