If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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