Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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