areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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