I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
