My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
