trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
