Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
