I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
