this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
