dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
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