well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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