I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize