Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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