it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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