I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
