Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize