I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
