I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
