Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
