I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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