somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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