I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
