Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
