yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
