Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
