The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
