Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
