Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
