Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
This show inspires me to have sex in space
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I am naked and annoyed.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
