omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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