My friends, they love my intelligence
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
