I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
