The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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