What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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