oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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