Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
