I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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