Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
