I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
