It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
