Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
