I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
false alarm, still single
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
