You smell like a Billy Joel song
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
