Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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