Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
