you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
